Politicians

If you vote me into office, I will

• Provide Free Health for all
• Provide Free Education for all up to secondary school level
• Tar all the roads in the state
• Resuscitate NEPA (PHC). Nigerians will have 24 hour power supply just like you have outside the country
• Clear all Pension Arrears. Why should our parents suffer after having worked hard for their motherland?
• Provide free transportation for all school children.
• There will be adequate security for everyone. Why do we have to live in prisons in our own houses?
• All unemployed youths will be given jobs. Nobody will be unemployed in my administration. We will create jobs for everyone.
• Utopia, Utopia, Utopia…

Oga/Madam Politician, my question is

• How?
• How do you intend to create this your heaven on earth?
• How are you going to perform all the miracles you have listed above?

You just told us that

• 90% of State allocation is spent on salaries leaving nothing for capital expenditures. So where will you get the money for free everything?
• You only have a finite amount of money and people, so how will you concentrate on all the areas above at the same time?

All our politicians do is to promise the electorate heaven on earth, free and the best of everything. They don’t tell us how they intend to do it. We don’t see a plan no matter how high-level of how they are going to achieve all these. It seems we the public are satisfied just to hear that we are going to get free services, we don’t care to ask detailed questions. When these politicians now get into power, we don’t get any of these things.
For sure we see a few things initially. This is usually targeted for the celebration of their first 100 days in office. After that, everything vanishes.
The next phase after the 100 days in office celebration is the blame game.

• The previous administration stole all the money when they were leaving.
• We need to do proper stock taking of current situation to determine our action plan, blah blah.. blah

We need to put a stop to all this!
We need to start asking

• How?
• When?
• Where?

How will you make sure there are only 24 students per teacher in our secondary schools?
How will you fund the free health care you have promised us?
When will we have 24 hour power supply?
When can we start walking the streets by 8.pm without fear of being molested?
Where are we going to board the buses for the free transportation program...?

And please Oga/Madam politician, do not tell us “PRIVATISATION”
That seems to be the magic wand being touted now by the latest crop of politicians. Yes, you can privatize but how do you plan to do that? How much are you expecting from the privatization process? We need to know if the figures add up. For all we know the figure expected is just a mere 10% of the total fund needed. Nobody will buy a company that has been run into the ground. Not everything should be privatized. Government also has a responsibility to provide some social services to its people.
So please Oga/Madam politician, spare us the magic wand PRIVATISATION, unless you can support it with facts.


Donald Duke, the present governor of Cross River State is contesting for the presidency. He has a blog - http://donaldduke.blogspot.com
On his blog, he has his plan for how he expects to turn the educational system in his state around. He says he has been following this plan so far in his two terms in office. On the surface, the plan is logical. Other people may question it and send him feedback which he can then either use or discard. At least we know what he plans to do and how he plans to do it. If he doesn't do it when he finally gets the chance, we can vote him out next time.

Donald Duke has articulated his points/plans on his blog. I was impressed by the fact that he has a blog. Yes, a blog! It shows he’s targeting the younger generation (who seems to be the bulk of bloggers) and it shows he’s moving with the times. At least, there is hope that he won’t become the president and start recycling archaic solutions.

That is what we expect our politicians to do. Show us how you intend to fulfill all your promises. We don’t need the detailed plan. After all, you are not yet in power. It’s your concept that we will critique to decide if we should follow you or not.

And dare I say that any politician, who does not have a blog or website (WITH MEANINGFUL CONTENT), should not be trusted with our votes. I mean, if you can’t use the latest tool , which seems to have caught on everywhere (even if you don't know about it,one of your team members should know - i.e. if you have the right kind of people on your team), how do we know you will still not be proposing 1st Generations Solutions when the world has moved on to 4th Generation Solutions?

So please once a politician promises “FREE XYZ…”, ask him “HOW?”

I Wonder Why.........

Why is it that about 90% of songs/music is about love, relationships or beautiful women but yet relationships are breaking left, right and center; blogsville is filled with a litany of “HIM” vs “HER” and relationship counseling is a booming business (at least in Europe & America)?

Why is it that the average “Oyibo” lady will tell a guy straight up – “I want you to know that I like you very much. You don’t have to do anything about it now but I hope one day you will feel the same way about me…” Whereas the average Naija lady will deny till kingdom come that she likes a guy (will only spill the gist amongst her very close girlfriends) , play hard to get and get the guy to pursue her as if he’s chasing the holy grail?

Why it is that even today, not only are Nigerians still against inter-tribal marriages, but even amongst people of the same tribe, there is discrimination amongst states. So you will find some Yorubas who will swear that over their dead bodies will their children marry an Ijebu person, and you will find Igbos (for e.g. from Anambra) who will never allow their kids marry from Wawa (Enugu State).


Why does it SEEM as if Nigerians don’t learn from their mistakes? We crash out early from the world cup and the papers and the public are full of the fact that we did so because of lack of planning. The coaches are fired, a probe panel is raised, yet the very next edition we either crash out early again or we don’t even qualify at all; same thing with our aviation industry; same thing with the educational sector.


Why is it that most Nigerians believe in the maxim “spare the rod and spoil the child” so we flog our kids to discipline them, but at the office when we see a highly undisciplined employee we do not support the issue of a query or outright dismissal? Instead we make comments like “Have mercy. How can you sack him, he’s the breadwinner in his family? Me, I won’t be involved in his sack oh. Let them not say I am a witch and I do not want a family to eat oh…” Someone said, - “As Nigerians, our large-heartedness promotes mediocrity.”


Why is it that when an average Oyibo person sees a sickness he does not understand, he goes straight to a doctor, the lab or books to find an explanation whereas the average Nigerian will ascribe it to supernatural forces? Either some people have bewitched them or somebody has done a powerful juju that is blocking their success or the sickness is the result of a supernatural force tormenting them.


Why do we Nigerians place much emphasis on the university degree/certificate, without knowing if the person has the requisite skills?

Why do we look down on polytechnic graduates?


Why do we pay our gatemen/drivers 5,000 Naira a month (yet we know he has a wife and at least 2 kids) when we know they possibly can not live on it, and the minimum wage as specified by government is at least 7500 Naira?


Why is it that when a man sleeps around, he’s a stud but when a lady sleeps around she’s a tramp?

Why do Nigerian girls effect/affect a foreign accent when - (1) They haven’t crossed River Niger before ( 2) Nobody can hear what they’re saying (with this accent). ? Why can’t they just speak plain and simple English?


Why is it that the Nigerian society still expects a lady has to be married at age 28? Anything after that and mumsy is attending night vigil and scheming with friends while popsi is giving his daughters phone nos to all the “good boys” from his villa.

Why is it that the average Nigerian girl of today does not look at a guy’s potential but his current worth - Potential ni, potential ko, na that one I go chop?

Why do Nigerians prefer to go for the wedding reception and not the church/mosque service?

Why do people go late to church but almost never late to work? I thought both were appointments.

I have yet to see someone who picked up a JAMB/UME form and put psychology as a first choice course. It’s usually medicine and then psychology as the second choice. And even when the person gains admission for psychology, he is scheming to change after the second year. Yet there is nothing remotely deeming about psychology. Psychology is just one example. Other courses like Estate Management, Building, Metallurgical & Material Engineering, etc also fall into the same category.

Why? Why? Why?


Weekly Trivia: Last week, I had to explain to a colleague (less than 30 yr old) what a blog is. I also find that even amongst the computer savvy world, because of the changing technology, it’s almost difficult to keep up with the trends.
I’ve decided to put up a weekly quiz (hope I can sustain it sha…) that will help us all keep up to date with the latest buzz words. You can also suggest words/phrases via email or in your comments. You don’t have to put up an answer but if a word is posted that you do not know about, then google it and keep up to date with the buzz word.

The inaugural word is “Dooced”. What does it mean to be dooced?

Cynics II

“A Fool’s destruction is in his own mouth”

A lot of people believe in the power of the tongue. Christians believe the part of the Bible which says (I am paraphrasing…)“life and death are in the tongue”. And so you find people confessing positively – “I shall not be a failure. I shall be a success”, etc.
In the same manner, they will preach to you – “Do not call your wife stupid. Do not call your child foolish or stupid” Such things will follow them and have repercussions on their lives.

But how many of these people who believe so much in the power of the tongue confess positive things about Nigeria? The same people who make positive individual confessions are the same ones who when they see something bad happen in the country will go – “I’m not surprised. It is only in Nigeria that such things can happen. What did you expect? I’ve told you before, nothing good will ever come out of this country. All our leaders are rogues. Don’t ever enter politics, it is only rogues that enter there…, blah blah blah…”

If we go by their “Power of the Tongue” theory, then even if a leader was not a rogue before, he will become one. Where other countries might be trying to clean up their acts, we can’t do the same here because we have “prophesied” that such dastardly acts will always happen in Nigeria. If we can speak positively about ourselves, why can’t we speak positively about our country?

But you may say, speaking positively is not enough. I agree. It is not enough to chant “I am a success”. If you do not work hard, the chances of being a success is very low (not impossible because lady-luck does smile on some people). To be successful requires hard work. Do you have any idea how hard your favorite actors and actresses work before they put up those astounding performances on screen that you love? I once read of an actor whom because he was going to play the role of a blind man in a movie, had himself blindfolded for about a month or so to really get into the habits of a blind person.

“Come on, you have come with all this your theory and analysis again. Are we in positions of authority? I’m just an ordinary man, trying to make ends meet.”

So you are, but change starts on the individual level. We all marvel at how clean the cities of Europe are. And then we complain about the dirty streets in Lagos. How many times do we buy Bananas, Oranges, Biscuits, etc and while on the road unwrap it and wham! Out of the window goes the banana skin or wrapper – right on the road!
Oh…..Isn’t that dirt? Let’s do a simple bit of Maths. A hundred people throwing away one banana peel everyday in Lagos multiplied by 30 days in a month, multiplied by 12 months. Can you imagine the amount of dirt that has been thrown on the road in a year, just on the move? This does not include the normal dustbin which leaves homes every day.

In our different houses in Nigeria, where is the bin emptied everyday? On the road! Under cover of darkness, the house-help goes and dumps the bin on the road.
But there is no refuse disposal system. The government has not provided one.
Haba! The same way that government has not provided security or provided good roads, but residents of a street have engaged the services of a vigilante group or “taxed” themselves to get laborers to at least make the roads passable, the same way that something can be done about the refuse disposal system.

Even in places where there are functioning refuse disposal teams, like Victoria Island, we still see ugly refuse dumps. I always wondered why people there can’t buy garbage bags, and put the dirt inside them? With the garbage bags, the mouths can be neatly tied up and the bags put outside. That way, the place is not messed up and the refusal disposal teams can come pick them up. You would think that with all the mansions in V/I, the residents would be more cultured.

My friend says we have become numbed to our inefficient system and environment. He says Nigerians generally don’t have high standards because we have so confessed negatively about our country, we don’t expect anything different. He says it’s all about setting expectations. If we confess positively about our country, then we will start looking for ways to achieve those high expectations we have set for ourselves.

Well, maybe he’s right. All I know is that for those who believe in the “Power of Tongue” theory, let them apply it to Nigeria too not just their personal lives. After all, if the Nigerian state fails, how can you be successful as an individual?

“Check out of Naija of course.”

Cynics......

Leadership Qualities…..?
You talk as if you’re not a Nigerian…None of those people up there have leadership qualities.

The above was the reply to a post on a blog about a certain Nigerian Minister who seemed to lack “certain leadership qualities”.

A colleague summed it up….”Nigerians are cynics”

“Ha! Cynics ke... They are simply being realistic.”

“No way! They believe the worst about Nigeria.”

“But do you blame them? Nothing good seems to have ever happened here.”
“Says who? Have you been to Abuja? Even before they started “Lagolizing” the place, by building all sorts of things in the wrong places, you could see the city was well planned.
Today, El-Rufai is cleaning the place up. He is pulling down all illegally constructed buildings, both the properties of the big and small men. Nobody has accused him of collecting bribe to leave some houses. Is that not showing leadership quality?”

“So? That is just one person.”

“How about Nuhu Ribadu?”
“Ah, that one is just a terrorist. He is busy terrorizing “Baba’s” enemies.”
“Are those people corrupt or not?”
“Yes they are but….”
“You have answered the question. Whether they are Baba’s enemies or not is inconsequential. The fact remains that those guys are corrupt. Period!”
So Ribadu should be selective, abi? So far as he is arresting some criminals, it’s ok if he overlooks the deeds of others.”
“Of course not!” But can he investigate everybody at the same time? He can’t. So let him start somewhere. When another government comes, let them appoint someone who is as good as Ribadu and let him hunt down “Baba’s” boys who are guilty.”
“Hmmm, na wa for this your theory oh…”

“Whatever…But the truth is that today, “the fear of Ribadu is the beginning of wisdom” People have not stopped “chopping” money, mind you, but now they are careful. Their avarice has dropped drastically because they know EFCC is watching. Is Ribadu not another person showing leadership qualities?”
“Well, I’m not saying every leader in Nigeria lacks leadership qualities.”
“But you are. The general belief is that nothing can ever work in Nigeria. We all believe we only have “dubious” or “dodgy” people in the corridors of power. But you know what? Those people there are only dubious because we allow them to be.”
“How? Wetin be my own? I dey do my work here jeje…”

“But it concerns you. Ok, have you gone for the voters registration exercise?”
“For what now? We already know the election will be rigged. We already know they have determined who will get into government house.”
“You see what I’m saying? You have already given up hope. Don’t you think the more people that vote, the harder it will be for them to rig the election?”
“How?”
“Simple. In 2003, who won the election?”
“Abiola of course!”
“How do you know he won?”
“Haba! Everybody knows he won!”
“How?”
“Well, almost everyone I know voted for him”
“Exactly! People went out to vote, and a lot of people voted for him. So when you ask your friend or family member whom he voted for, you would most likely be told Abiola. And so when you find out almost a whole street voted for him and they release a result saying another person won, you will all know it’s foul play. So they have to find another way of rigging the election.”

“So?”
“So the same thing here. You go out and vote that day. Let everybody go out and vote. And when they release results saying somebody else won, you can go to court or do a public demonstration. If everyone stays at home and does not vote, on what basis will the “good” candidate claim he won the elections? Look at Peter Obi of Anambra state. It took 3 years but the courts later declared he won the election. How would he have been able to challenge the results if people did not go out to vote for him?”

“Hmmmm.. interesting…”
“Before Ribadu, nobody ever believed you could jail corrupt politicians in Nigeria, Before Akunyili, nobody ever believed you could reduce importation of fake drugs.”

“Those are exceptions.”

“So, your job is to become an exception. Do not believe that nothing good can come out of somewhere. Sometimes what those people “up there” need are people who will support their efforts. If everyone believes “nothing good can happen”, then they will not be able to function.”
“You talk as if it is that easy.”
“Me, I don’t know about being easy. All I know is that America got to where it is today because some people saw some things and refused to allow those things be. As somebody Martin Luther said, “Some people see things and ask WHY? I dream things and ask “WHY NOT?”

“Meanwhile, GO FOR THE VOTER’S REGISTRATION EXERCISE!”

“Yes Sir!”

Beyonce sings Nigerian National Anthem

On Saturday, October 7, in a jam packed Arena, Beyonce Knowles, as part of her performance for the night, sang the Nigerian National Anthem.
You may ask, “what was she doing, singing that?”
Well, she was amongst foreign artistes (Snoop Doggy Dog, Missy Elliot, Busta Rhymes, Ciara, Jay-Z, En-Vogue) and other Nigerian artists (King Sunny Ade, Seun Anikulapo-Kuti, Dare Art-Alade, Weird MC, TuFace, Majek Fashek) who came to perform at the maiden edition of ThisDay Music Awards, which was organized to celebrate Nigeria’s 46th independence anniversary (on Oct 1, 1960).
Some school of thought have it that since such a group of prominent musicians have been able to make it to Nigeria (popularly called Naija for the uninitiated), then the country is not that bad. Or rather, it is definitely on the way back to the “top”.
There have been no reports so far (is it too early to tell?) of molestation of the musicians, neither have they reported hearing gunshots/seeing mayhem on the road. Of course there is the argument that they must have been under tight security so nothing “untoward” could have happened to them. But still, the way the country is reported in the foreign media, you would have wondered that such people would have ventured to have stepped foot in Nigeria. And they did not just come to Nigeria, they came to Lagos, which had at some point been categorized as one of the unsafest cities in the world, full of hoodlums who brazenly waylay innocent citizens in broad daylight.
Ahh…you say, that is an exaggeration. Nobody has ever reported Nigeria to be like that. I might just beg to disagree. Some few weeks back, some colleagues from the London offices of my firm visited. The norm in Nigeria is to pick expatriates (or Oybios as they are popularly called) from the airport with police escorts (without the sirens of course!). By the third day of their visit here, some of my visiting colleagues were saying “wow! didn’t know it was going to be like this; thought we would have to be going around all the time with armed personnel. This was what we heard in London but here we are, just driving around town with you folks, taking walks on the street without anybody harassing us.
Aha! How about the expatriates being kidnapped in Niger-Delta (for those who actually know where Niger-Delta is) I hear you ask?
Well, frankly I don’t have an answer to that. That is wrong I will scream boldly from a hilltop. But hey! Is that enough to say the whole country is a killing zone? Nigeria has problems no doubt but is that enough to demonize the country? I do not think so.
As we celebrate this 46th independence anniversary, as we recollect how great the country was (as told us by our forebears/parents), we need to remember that we have a role to play in moving Nigeria forward. It is not enough to scream that our leaders are corrupt. We have to at our individual levels, decide to be persons of integrity, develop a personal high standard (this has nothing to do with religion) and try to maintain it. If we can do this, then we can carry out more exploits, the same way Nigerians shouted a resounding “No!” to the third term agenda.

Contradictions

“NEPA!!! They have struck again…
“Come on, it’s not NEPA. It’s PHC – Power Holding Company..”
“Whatever….bottom line is – no light, as usual. Which kin country be dis sef?”
Ask me oh! I tire sef. No light, no roads, even the small road we have, traffic full yanfu yanfu everywhere..
“Okada sef wey poor man dey ride, dem don ban the thing.”
“MTN, VMobile, all useless companies. Before your call even connects, they’ve started charging you…”

And on and on, goes the litany…
The summary..? Check out of Nigeria. Go to “God’s Own Country” where the land flows with milk and honey. Or if you can’t afford it, then move on to Jand. In fact any country where the white human specie is predominant is better than Nigeria.
It seems like the yearning of the average Nigerian youth (resident in Nigeria) is to move abroad. Even the university graduates are not left out. They can not wait to graduate from university, apply for a graduate degree program and move abroad, with no plans to return (except to visit or get married). They’ve already planned their lives the 4-bedroom duplex, with the two cars parked in front. The more imaginative ones can already see themselves on MTV’s “How the Rich & Famous Live”.
There are others who do not plan on such an ostentatious lifestyle. They just want to work hard, earn some good money and live in a quiet and secure place where things work, where they will be appreciated for their brainwork and rewarded accordingly. The common trend amongst these two groups is the belief in the failure of the Nigerian state and the fact that life “over there” is definitely rosier or totally stress free.

There is another group of Nigerian nationals, mostly those who obtained their first degrees from foreign universities (American & British Schools mostly) who are rushing to come back.
“Haba! But Why? Why are you coming back? You want to leave ‘Obodo Oyibo’ to come back to Naija? What are you coming back to?”
“Well, there are no jobs.”
“How can?”
“And transportation in London is very expensive.”
“All your salary goes on bills – power, phone, tax. You can’t evade/avoid tax. You know over there, there are only two things that are for certain – death and tax. At the end of the day, you have only a small amount left in your pocket.”
“But come on, life is beautiful. You don’t have to worry about robbers. You have good roads, light, water. And you live in all those big houses…”
“Bros, it’s not like that. Yes you receive the services you’ve paid for. But all that big house and cars, you’re seeing, it’s all a farce. They’re all on credit. People live “large” and then die in debt passing it on to their children.”
“So, but you’ve enjoyed life. Your children will pass it on to their own children. What business is that of yours?”
“Well, bottom line, life is not easy there. You have to work very hard for everything you earn. I better come back to Nigeria where at least my parents have a big house and I know I have a room and probably a free car. Worst case scenario, there are relations to fall back on here, people/friends to help you out with a few “coins” and the right calls.

So there it is….Traffic both ways
The people here want to get out at all costs & go over to the land flowing with Milk and Honey.
The people “there” want to come back after having acquired the White Man’s knowledge. After all, here if nothing else, they can be a big fish in a small pond.

You don’t know what you’re talking about. Your statistics are all wrong both about those trying to leave and those coming back. Things are not as bad as you make it sound over there. If not why is it that those who are leaving Nigeria after their first degree do not come back?
“Simple! Ever heard of too broke to travel? They are too broke to come back.”
“Or too ashamed. How do you explain to the folks back here that you went to Obodo Oyibo and couldn’t make it. Tufia! You can’t do that. So you stay, trying to move from cleaner to superintendent. Besides if you do come back, what are you coming back to? Your mates who stayed here have moved on. Do you want to go to their office and become a beggar?
So what is the way forward? The 411 as my people would say..
“Just stay here and work towards making this place better. After all, America only became better because the people there stayed and did their work. Do you think they didn’t once have obnoxious laws? Look at Israel. That country is supposed to be a desert and their people were all scattered. But today, they go to the states, acquire the technology and go back to Israel to apply the technology. You want to enjoy life? Stay back here, build your own niche and enjoy life. After all there is no place like home.